I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
