I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
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so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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