the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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