I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
