i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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