and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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