Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
