Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
