So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
