He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
