I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
