he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
