wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize