lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
