Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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