Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
