I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
