It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
