Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
