from now on my penis is your penis
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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