so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
