Fuck appropriateness.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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