Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
