K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
