You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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