I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
