zippers are such a cool invention
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
