Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't put those talents on a resume
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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