Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You're earring is so big in my mouth
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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