I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
