loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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