she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
