you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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