after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
