You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
