Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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