All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
