did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
