I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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