He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
God, I missed his penis.
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