How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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