Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize