I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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