I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
