I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize