Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Boobs speak an international language.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
