I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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