she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
