Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
