we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
