Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think my moral compass just broke
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
