that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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