I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
