who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize