I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
