does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize