So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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