smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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