I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
