Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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