are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
