my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
