Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
