My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
