Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize