dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
