Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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