That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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