I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
