Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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